Blog 17 Reflective Essay

Writing Process of Don’t Cry




Before I made the decision to write it I thought to myself I will never write about that to an entire class of strangers.

I was given the assignment to write a personal essay in my creative nonfiction class. At first we were asked to make a two lists one of things we would like to write about and others that we would never write about. At first the subject of my father in Don’t Cry was put under my list of things that I would never write about. I thought about why I would never write about my father’s death. I realized that I have a hard time dealing with tragedies in my life and an even harder time talking about them. I made a decision at that moment that I should share my experience. I didn’t want people to judge me and that was my biggest fear. I hate the whole pity party thing. When I thought about it a little more I realized that other people might be dealing with the same things I went through. My personal essay might even help them deal with their grief; how cool would that be?

Every time I did a prewriting activity in class I got more nervous about the project I was going to take on. I sat in my bed one night before I wrote the essay and I decided to clean out my documents on my laptop. I came across something that I didn’t even remember writing. It was a description about the day of my father’s funeral. I have to admit when I read it I became a little emotional, but then I realized that this is it. These few little paragraphs I wrote a couple of years ago is going to pull me back into that time and those feelings I had so long ago. I even incorporated some of those paragraphs I wrote so long ago into my essay.



When I sat up last night, in my bed and I couldn’t help but imagine the daunting day ahead of me. I went through my itinerary over and over again in my head. The night dragged on. I pulled myself out of bed and slumped over to my computer. I have to write something for him, something special. I wrote about my Dad’s personality and of course our main bond the Pittsburgh Steelers.
I began talking to myself. “Okay Gina, you can do this. You can do this.” I still hadn’t cried. I hesitantly strolled over to my brother Louis’s room. I stared at the closed door for what seemed to be an hour but was only a few seconds. I prepared to knock, clenched my hand in a fist and then released it. “Come on Gina, take a deep breath.” I clenched my fist for a second time and tapped on the door. “Yeah?” He sounded so tired. “Louis we have to leave soon are you almost ready?” The door opened. My brother walked out in a suit. He was never ready before my mother and me.



I knew after I got passed the nervousness of actually having to write the essay I could dive into writing it. I began to think. What should people learn about me in this piece? What can they learn about themselves? I wrote my fist draft with feeling. I didn’t think too much about how I wanted to organize my essay. All I knew was at first I wanted to talk about the super bowl my dad and I shared and at the end I wanted to talk about the super bowl my father missed. I thought that this would be a way to show that life goes on without the one that you lost. I also thought that it would give readers the image of me coming full circle.

After rereading my first draft I don’t know if that was the best idea for organization. It worked with tying the whole piece together but I don’t know if it supported my focus. The focus of not dealing with my grief was lost in the essay. At first I really didn’t want to change anything in my essay. I’m really stubborn and I would say that I get that from my dad too. I was just worried that if I changed something my essay wouldn’t be from my heart anymore. I really felt like I put everything that I had into that first draft. I decided to let it sit for a few weeks so that I could clear my head.

I then had to write a second draft. When I was writing my second draft I think that I kind of got lost. I was so concerned about organizing it I think that it kind of scared me to the point of me completely messing up my essay. I organized my essay beginning with the wrestling match between my brother and me. Then followed the funeral and after that the Steelers super bowl that I shared with my father. Finally, I ended with the Steelers super bowl that my father was absent from. When I reread my essay I found that no one would tell when I dealt with my emotions. I wanted to scream. This was so frustrating to me. After I realized that the entire point of the essay was now gone to readers I got scared. I decided once again to let my essay sit for a few weeks.

After realizing that I really was not happy with what I wrote I decided to write my essay once again. I knew I needed to reorganize my entire essay. I really liked the idea of starting with the wrestling match so I decided to keep that. Then, I discussed the Steelers game that I shared with my father. I really wanted the Steelers thing to come into play sooner. Next I added a small section about my father telling me he had cancer, and then I went into the funeral. I kept the ending with the most current Steelers super bowl that I had to go through without my dad.

I feel that this final version of my personal essay is the best out of the three that I have written. I think that now the reader can fully understand what I have gone through and apply it to their life and their experiences.

Brainstorming Blog 18

Brainstorming


After writing about my father's death in the first peice, I've realized that there is no limit to my writing. I definately think that I will journal more and I think that when I go through other hard times it would be benificial not only to me but to others as well. I would like to write about some of my experiances wether they are good or bad that have happened in my life.


I would really like to work on my organization. It's hard for me sometimes when I get really into my writing. I just keep on going and writing more and more without realizing where I am going. I probably should do more prewriting maybe something like an outline would help me more.


At the moment I don't really have any plans for continuing my writing. Maybe after my student teaching is finished and I get settled in my career I will have more time to focus on my writing and where it can take me.


I will use writing in my profession all the time. Since I will be a teacher I will be constantly writing to perents and administrators. As far as creative writing goes I would probably have to do something on my own. I would love to start a club with my students and share my writing as well as read what they write in their own time.


I really loved doing the personal essay. I would love to write more of those for myself. Who knows maybe after I wrote about them I would decide to persue getting them published. As for now I would really like to write about my experiances and what I have gone through in my life thus far.


As of now I don't really have plans of publishing. My life is so crazy right now I don't think that I have time to work on a piece for a long time in order to get it published. I would love to write after I become more comfortable in my career. Then I would have time to focus on it.


For my personal essay I really thought that i was just writing it for this class. Now I really feel like I should share that piece with my brother and my mother. I think it will benifit them with helping them deal with tehir grief and I also think that it will help them to understand me more.